On the bring a gun side, it's got to be small and light enough that you will actually carry the damn thing.
This trends towards being not enough gun.
Guns that are enough and that are small and light also tend to be miserable to shoot. Remember, more powerful cartridges in lighter guns means more recoil. A bit more mass makes the gun more controllable and allows faster follow-up shots.
The Smith & Wesson ultralight weight J-frames in .357 are in this category. Gobs and gobs of recoil and a long heavy trigger. Definitely enough cartridge for self defense.
.380 ACP is about the minimum for serious self defense. Some .32 ACP can do the job, but not normally ball. There are .380's on the market that are getting to be too light and edging into that miserable to shoot category. P3AT and LCP, I am looking in your general direction...
Make sure your choice can take repeated use of the round. Beretta's Tomcat in .32 ACP is notorious for cracking the frame when you use proper self-defense hollow-points. The aluminum framed J-Frames in .38 Special are also known for a lack of longevity; as are the titanium and scandium framed .357's.
Plus, obligatory gun Pr0n:
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