I did it again...
A female friend was venting and I was trying to fix the problem.
Ladies.
Don't bring us a problem you don't want solved.
Solving problems is what men do.
We wait for the opportunity, it's the main thing we bring to the partnership.
Don't get mad at us.
Don't say shit like, "now do you see why we're angry all the time from keeping shit bottled up?"
Because I'm going to reply with something like, "I figured you'd be happy getting the problem fixed!"
We are baffled by the idea that you just want to vent about a problem and leave it unresolved as long as someone will listen to the complaint and be sympathetic.
We're showing sympathy, we're offering to fix it.
I know you know how I respond to hearing about the problems of people I dislike.
It's isn't an offer to fix it, is it?
SO much worse when you have the "Engineer Gene" (a "Dilbert" thing, but...)... Annoys my wife to no end :-) But is the way we are...
ReplyDeleteYep. As summed up in "It's not about the Nail." https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-4EDhdAHrOg
ReplyDeleteThey don't want us to solve problems, they want us there to listen and not say anything, yet if we don't say anything they get mad at us for not acknowledging their feelings but if we say anything we're wrong because we're saying something.
First question is always "Do you want a sounding board or help with a solution?"....
ReplyDeleteShe gets mad when I say that. Even madder when I say, "is this a friend question or a husband question?"
DeleteBecause Husband will try to fix it.
Rick,
DeleteSeen elsewhere on the Internet: "Sympathy or solution" [GRIN]
I’ve had to tell my wife many times over the years of our marriage that men (myself included) show their love by doing things.
ReplyDeleteJFM
I could make the same post. Happens to me as well. I don't understand how asking questions is an infraction either. It's a tool for communicating to understand what the problem is. Unfiltered rants often leave out key details to achieving understanding. Fixing problems usually requires such understanding. I have a process for problem solving that involves questioning base assumptions. That never goes over well when an issue is based on emotion and not on hard facts and logic.
ReplyDeleteI don't get it either.
-swj