I Just Dunno But I Am Getting Closer To Understanding

When I lived in Iowa, my main social activity was gaming. When I moved to Florida, I essentially abandoned gaming.

Until recently, my main social activity was hanging out with the car club. Because of mistakes and misunderstandings, the joy I felt from working on my car is gone. I have discovered, to my surprise, that it was the acceptance of my peers that I sought. I would have thought that the goal was the getting the car where I wanted it. Nope. What I was doing was seeking approval from others. Not what I expected of myself at all.

As one can tell from my previous post, I am still interested in gaming even if I don't get to play. Even when the opportunity to play presents itself, I shy away. I feel like a recovering alcoholic in a bar. As long as I don't drink, I will be able to face the day tomorrow. As long as I don't actually play, I will not have to face losing it again. FuzzyGeff, that is my apology for not setting aside some time when you were down. Oddly, when I visit Iowa, this isn't a problem.

I still have friends from when I was shooting regularly. I still like guns and feel strongly that the 2nd Amendment means we can have machineguns and has nothing to do with hunting or even crime. But shooting is EXPENSIVE with a capital $. And I have NEVER had the finances to shoot like I wanted or dreamed of. When the entry level guns are the price of a moderate used car, you need a very stable and large income. And I have too many interests, honestly, to commit to that level of shooting without a millionaire dropping dead and leaving me the wad.

I am still interested in cars. Cars are also expensive. In some ways as expensive as guns. Cars can be done in smaller installments than guns. One can slowly accumulate parts for a project for years and the total costs are quite invisible. For my car to be a meaningful hobby, I have to be doing it because I like what I have done and not care about or seek other's opinions.

With only the single income it is hard, if not impossible, to buy some of the more expensive items.

Losing the car club was hard. My entire social support network was evaporated in one fell swoop by a petty bitter prick named Kenny. With gaming, I chose to leave and am welcome back. No so with the car thing. I was kicked out and told to not return. My "friends" did not stand up to Kenny. He put his foot down and like good little dogs, they obeyed. Yes, I am bitter. Not one person said, "Kenny you are wrong and until Thag is allowed back, count me out." Not one person. Some told him he was wrong, but did nothing else. Gods forbid that they should take a stand for someone else and find something else to do on Wednesdays.

All of this has led to a black funk that The Lovely Harvey cannot ignore. I have not been doing my job as a husband while I was feeling sorry for myself. Sorry Honey.

My plan for the car is now simple. Install the parts that I already have stored up in the garage. Replace the transmission, I would LOVE the $4000 manual, but a $1600 GM rebuilt auto will do me fine. Fix the air conditioning, $721.13 in parts from AutoZone, plus another $100 getting it charged up. And finally just maintaining it. I really do love my car, I want it to be around for a while. Maybe the mod bug will bite The Lovely Harvey someday and we can start playing on her car.