10 July 2007

Live Blogging Colonoscopy Prep

July 9, 2007
2:03 PM
I have completed stage one. I had my last solid food at about 7:30 last night. Took two generic Dulcolax tabs and went to bed. Since I got up at 5:30 this morn, I have been blasting liquid into the toilet every hour or so.
I have just taken the first of 16 eight ounce glasses of NuLytely. This is supposed to be super colon blow stuff. Make the shit-chute all photogenic and stuff. It came with "flavor" packets. I chose lemon-lime, and it makes it smell like lemon-lime. There is a faint salty flavor and it's just a bit on the gelatinous side; about halfway between egg-white and water. It is not the horrid nastiness I had been led to expect, but who knows if it gets worse from here.
2:22 PM
Glass two! Much rumbling from downstairs.
A sip of Gatorade blue Berry flavor after the glass seems to help a lot.
2:43 PM
Third one is down, I am getting full. Bleah, I wonder if I can process this shit fast enough to drink a whole gallon in five hours.

3:11 PM
#4 is down! And I got the mail.
Got some dark red-brown bowl filler from it.
3:34 PM
3:46 PM
Six! Six glasses of uberlaxitive! Bwah ha ha ha!
I think I am getting accustomed to this stuff already, it's just wet now.
4:01 PM
That's seven!
Got dark yellow, clear this trip. Not even half finished with the stuff and I am getting near end-game results.
And, yes, I really am going to give a TMI play by play.
4:21 PM
That's eight. The last movement resembled nothing more than that green tea that Lipton sells pre-brewed.
4:53 PM
Nine!  Green BM!  Like Surge!  Like Lime Jell-O.
5:04 PM
SIGH Ten.  This is getting strange.  The fluid emanating from my rectum now resembles nothing less than Windex!

5:31 PM
This is where 11 should be.  I am slowing down in taking the NuLytely as I spend more time in the shitter.
The Windex color is very freaky.

5:53 PM
Much gurgling as I finish 11.  This is beginning to resemble an endurance test.
I am wondering if the whole gallon is really necessary.  This stuff comes in one size.  That means it's enough for the worst case and way too much for the best case.
I posted here with my experiences, but nothing has shown yet.  I am not having near the problems some of the posters there are having.
6:14 PM
I have now drank twelve 8 ounce glasses of this crap. I am getting sick of it.
The gastro had better sing praises about clean and happy my colon is.
6:35 PM
Thirteen ends the suffering.
7:17 PM
The effects are ongoing. The latest BM was back to lime Jell-O green; lots of volume.
7:30 PM
Collapse. Pooping this much exhausting!
July 10, 2007
12:45 AM
Sprayed Windex.
3:30 AM
I am finally empty with one last derisive spurt of Windex like liquid.
6:18 AM
I am parched. I was not allowed to eat or drink anything after midnight, since I was sleeping since 7:30 I missed my chance.
1:52 PM Final Entry
Huh huh huh, he said entry...
Got in. Can we say worst waiting room arrangement ever? You are required to bring someone who can drive you home, so everyone there will be in a pair. The whole place is set up like everyone is going to be talking to everyone else. Nobody seemed very talkative...
The lady taking my insurance and personal information thought The Lovely Harvey and I were a riot. We were joking a lot to take the edge off. Made a lot of fun about the, "Not responsible for lost or stolen items," sign. I can trust them with my life, but not my watch!
Got taken into the prep room, got my gown, slippers and poofy hat. I refused to put it on, but did not fight the nurse when she insisted and placed it on my head. Got my IV done by the actual anesthesiologist! The nurses couldn't find a vein, he had it located and inserted in less than a minute. ICE COLD IV! My whole arm was freezing.
After soaking up some saline for a bit, they wheeled me into the endoscope room. Wired me for vitals monitoring and gave me the good stuff. I asked, "Am I on the good stuff?" "Yup," she replied. "Prolly going not going to feel anything and then THUD, out!" I said.
"It's all over sir."
Doc says that the lump I found that started this whole mess was just scar tissue from my anal fissures. He found no polyps or masses. My prostate seems normal. I have severe hemorrhoids, that will prolly need surgery someday, but not today. I also have an unusually long colon, prolly genetic.
Got another appointment on the 25th to get the final word.

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