Missed Opportunity

Babylon Bee is sleeping at the switch.

They should have had a headline, "Trump, taking inspiration from Mars Attacks 'addresses Congress'."

Area woman says, "he killed Congress!"

Film at 11. 

110 Years

110 years ago at The Somme, the tank made it's combat premier!

Seconds later, a tanker asks a crunchie an infantryman to hand them something they'd dropped to the ground because "death before dismount!" 

Now That We Calculated If We Can Kill A Bear

 

The Curriculum Was Thorough

I am going to make a character who's a graduate of a fencing academy.

He knows how to wield a sword, wall in a backyard and sell stolen goods.

Also Today

Cinco de Mosin!

May The Fourth Be With You

Because today is May the Fourth Be With You and tomorrow is Cinco De Mayo...

I give you Obi Juan Kenobi!

Kinda Want

I am not now, nor have I ever been, a member of Special Forces.

But I know what The People's Republic of Pineland is...

Linky.

I Need Credentials

I am thinking that being a corrective phrenologist (<--spell checker knew this word!) would suit me to the bone.

They say do something you love and you will never work a day in your life.

I don't see it listed in any college catalogs though.

h/t FuzzyGeff for the career name.

Mumbai Is A Better Value Than Norway

Hat tip to Willard.

There Goes My Vacation Plan

Nepal is poised to pass legislation putting some experience requirements up before someone can tackle Mount Everest.

Apparently, the place is overrun with people who want to climb the mountain, regardless of whether they are able to make it to the top.

The crowds have kept people from making the summit who otherwise would have made it...  easily?  Handily?  I don't know the correct adverb here.

This is news that doesn't affect me a whit.

Despite the lack of crowds, I don't think I can summit Florida's highest peak.

Britton Hill is a lofty 105m above mean sea level and nearly 50 feet from the base camp (the parking lot).

Someday!  Someday... 

Suggested By Marv

We've begun making a list of the pharmaceuticals ads and going to ask our doctors if each and every one is "right for me."

Should be fun.

Ewwww But...

So, you've found yourself face down and drowning in an unflushed toilet.

Whomever is drowning you, pulls the handle and flushes the toilet.

Well, at least you're going to drown in clean water after catching a breath...

Then you feel the hot sensation of piss on the back of your head.

Nope.  Today is NOT your day.

Challenger

40 Years Ago some engineers put on their manager hats and seven Astronauts died.

I was in the lunch line at school buying my breakfast.

They announced it over the PA.

Not more than 10 seconds later someone made the "what's this button do?" joke.

Just after I'd finished eating I joked that the student liberation organization claimed credit for the bombing and no teacher would be safe until our demands were met.

Just after that I was waiting for my mom to come pick me up for my three day out of school suspension.

Apparently a teacher was right behind me when I made my joke.

Zero appreciation, or tolerance, for gallows humor at Ames High School.

I've long supported manned spaceflight.

I've long been critical of the shuttle program.

I've loved planes as long as I can remember and from reading about military programs I gleaned that the time to start the replacement is during the first flight.

If NASA had used that rule of thumb then Challenger wouldn't have been on the pad that morning 40 years ago.  She would have been in a museum.

But I remember what the original plan for the orbiters was and we never even once flew them that way.  Hauling modules for the ISS is as close as we got.

So a replacement never got made, we killed 14 astronauts with it, and the jobs program it had become finally died.

The replacement for the replacement would probably have been flying before Columbia's accident too...  But we were never serious about it.

We made a jobs program and science research toy out of a cargo truck and were surprised it was expensive.  So we cut funding for follow-on programs. 

Well Said

 

$1776

Apparently every single member of the US Armed Forces is getting a $1,776 check.

Pretty decent year end bonus!

Now taking bets on exactly how many hours it takes the E-4 and below community to spend it and have nothing to show for it.

I expect a banner weekend at strip clubs near base. 

Easy!

I dunno why people say opening a can with a P-38 is difficult.  It only took me a moment.

I don't know what everyone complains about.

Happy Birthday Jarheads!

A completely true and totally not made up documentary about where the first Marine signed on the dotted line.

Isn't That Odd

I have several digital scales.

I have never used any of them to weigh fingers.

Strange. 

Ha!

 

Maybe Things Were Better

In the way back when you went to a drag race, nobody was dressed strange.

Well, all drag races have funny dressed folk now. 

Trans also meant something completely different and nobody got offended if you needed some tranny fluid.