Odd Overlap On The Venn Diagram

In pursuit of gaming stuff I do some odd searches.

Got a suggestion for "slowest way to kill yourself".

Turns out, just doing what you're doing right now is, in fact, the slowest way of killing yourself.

Death by time gets everyone.

Now I'm prolly going to get red flagged for being suicidal.

Officer, "He had a clock right there like was going to use it.  He also had a calendar app open on his phone, I think we know what his intentions were."

Now, try to sound sane explaining this idea to a psychologist.

Skip To The End

If you're sitting there with your gun and contemplating murdering a bunch of people...

Then killing yourself.

Skip to the end.

Take a camera to where you were going to shoot everyone, and shoot their picture!

Post to the internet those pics with your suicide note with verbiage to the effect of, "I could have killed all these folks, but I was really mad at myself, so I only killed me."

I will gladly post your name and praise your decision.

'Tis The Season

I've been reading about several suicides on a couple of forums I haunt.

The holidays are a ripe time for suicide.

The threads are full of advice about how to keep your loved one from doing the deed.

Which is great, but...

If someone is dead set on checking out, your first clue will be the call from the cops telling you about the corpse.

The people who succeed at this don't broadcast the decision and don't give hints.

They just do it.

They are not crying for help, they are done.

Perhaps an intervention would have helped, but you would have had to have figured it out from almost no clues before they made the decision.

With that in mind, don't feel guilty that you didn't stop them.

They proceeded in a manner that kept you from figuring out what was about to happen precisely to keep you from stopping them.

In The Way Back

Since I've got suicide on the brain thanks to one errant post and an explanation follow-up...

There once was a time when I had the gun in my mouth.

Nothing in my life was going right and everything I tried made it worse.

I had no money, I was couch surfing from friend's place to friend's place and it was killing those friendships.

Having once been 4.5 lb. of finger pressure from firing that round and going through the long, slow recovery from that VERY dark spot; I feel that I'm a good judge of how far from it I am.

It's a delicate moment explaining to a psychiatrist that you felt like suicide was the answer but also wish to remain a gun owner.

To quote a trite phrase, "I'm much better now."

Back during my legal drama I was very bummed, but not suicidal, and had lots of free time to kick the VA in the balls about my chronic pain from my service connected injury.

The prescribed gabapentin.

One of the rare, but serious, side effects is suicidal ideation!  I got three days of the initial dosing done when the thoughts started.  Because I knew where the dark place was, I knew I was walking right at it and stopped taking my prescription.  Oh, my legs didn't hurt anymore, that part worked.

I wonder if I'd never been so distraught to be seriously thinking about it in the way back if I'd have been unable to stop it on the gabapentin with the legal drama looming over my head.

It's Just The Booze Talking

There's a transition point where I think that that a bullet will make everything all better.

It's when I'm good and buzzed and coming down.

My life insurance pays even if I commit suicide at this point.

The mortgage is paid, my student loans are erased.

BANG!

The Lovely Harvey is financially better off.

It's just a point.

It's so momentary that there's not even time to grab a gun, let alone pull a trigger.

While Harvey would be better off financially, she'd not be better off, overall, without me.

Money isn't everything.

The Boy still needs my non-financial contribution to his life.

Harvey, though she doesn't have the words to express it, would also feel my absence in a profound way.

That doesn't even consider that I'm far too curious about what happens next to check out.

The universe is stuck with me, I'm afraid.

Well Darn

I guess Bob Owens of Bearing Arms killed himself.

I cannot say I was an avid reader of his site or that I interacted with him at all.

I do understand the effort it takes to take the muzzle out of my mouth, and it's a bigger fight than many people think it is.

Bob lost, and I am sure he will be missed.

Why?

Why do the crisis' in my life seem to occur when my social support network is unavailable to support?