But Did It Happen

I am certain there are racists out there doing racist things.

Some of them try to comment on my blog, that helps with the certainty.

Despite this, I still get a record scratch moment when a black person mentions experiencing racism.

I think I might have figured out why.

I didn't do racism.

I lived someplace where nobody around me did racism.

So I never saw racism directly.

I did get to see and experience the hate that is reflected from the racists doing racist things.

It was quite an epiphany to realize that hate was racism too and that I was experiencing it as a victim.

So I spend my entire life after that crippled by the knowledge that someone out there hated me because I was white and dedicated all of my waking moments to forcing the government to punish them and enrich me!

Actually not.

I tried to understand why they hated me.  I have not, and likely never will, succeeded in understanding hate based on skin color.

Having internalized that who individual responsibility thing, I can hate individuals for their crimes but can't really transfer that hate for superficial similarities between people.

There's a whole raft of dissonance and hypocrisy when I think about invasive cultures amidst my own culture.  I'm still working through it.