23 November 2012

Attacked By Turkeys


I don't understand.

But then again, I am an apex predator.  I see the turkey in its proper place as a prey animal.

Any turkey stupid enough to get into arms length is going to learn that.  Briefly.

Yup, they're agressive birds, but they are only birds.

We had a couple of premature turkey dinners because one of the toms would get stroppy.  Grampa had a policy about that.  Anything tries to bite him, it's dead.

A wild turkey will be faster and more agile than its barnyard cousin, but it's just as fragile, and because it's a smaller, leaner animal, easier to get to the neck.

Don't be afraid, it's not a lion or a wild boar.  You're looking at some scratches at worse.

Grab the neck or head and whip it around a couple times, you'll feel the neck snap.  Repeat as needed.  Like so many other critters, running from them provokes the attack, not defuses.


  1. It's plucking the damn thing that drives me nuts....;)

  2. I'm one of those massholes attacked by Wild Turkeys!

    True damn story. Saw a pair of them outside my GROCERY STORE, and I walked over to have a look. Again true damn story, it was the 4th of July and I was at the store to buy MEAT for the GRILL!

    You've met me, I ain't no prissy sissy pants, and at the time I had a .38 revolver in my pocket, a sharp pocket knife, and two reasonably strong hands.

    I wasn't the apex predator! Just like how the big bass won't hit a minnow if they see your shadow in the boat, there was a bigger predator.

    Everything I wanted to do to those uppity Toms would have got me in serious hot water if I got caught by the authorities, or finked out by one of the denizens of the dozens of houses flanking that road.

    Hell 20 years ago you couldn't find a turkey in these parts. They'd all been wiped out by hunters, so Daddy .Gov had to step in.

    Same can be said about the seals clogging our waterways and ruining private and public property with their filth.

    Daddy .Gov saw a problem and fixed it...and they DID fix a problem....only problem is when their solution became another problem they don't have the faintest clue at what to do now.


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