21 November 2024

Wanna Don't Wanna

My tank of deal with it energy is a bit low.

I have my choice of three events that friends have invited me to and it means choosing between friends and...

I'm feeling all or nothing about it.

First event will be, essentially, hanging out by myself because those friends are super social and will be flitting around like butterflies chatting with everyone else the whole time because this socialization shit is easy for them.

Second event is a bit of a haul and although I've been invited, I'm an outsider to this group now.  I put myself there, and it's been difficult to summon the energy to get back inside.

Third is a celebration of a business friends put back together after a partnership exploded.  It's got much the same trouble as the first event for me.

Normally things don't line up like this and two of the friend groups attend the same event and that means not either being alone or feeling like I'm intruding.

And I can never quite shake the feeling that I'm intruding and unwelcome.

That follows naturally from watching group after group continuing on as if I'd never existed when I depart.

You want to really feel like you don't matter?  Check up on a social group you left behind and see if they were more than mildly affected.

Better not.  You may discover that they were relieved and happy you finally stopped showing up.

At least I know I did one thing good for them.

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