25 November 2014

Responsible

A thing about date rape sex that would be consensual except one or both parties was drunk and then is later reported as rape that's bugging me.  Edited to strike and add underlined portion.

I am responsible for everything I do while I'm drunk, including driving my car into a tree.

Why then isn't a woman aren't people still responsible enough to say yes or no to sex while drunk?

That driving my car while drunk is a bad decision is why it's illegal; but being drunk doesn't let me blame the tree.

Why are does it seem that woman exempt from the responsibility for saying yes to sex while drunk.  Why just women?  I really have never seen a story where a man has felt he was raped once he'd sobered up.  Is this because such isn't reported because it doesn't fit the narrative?  I really don't know.

There's lots of analogies that kind of illustrate something is amiss.

Except for a woman someone getting plastered and having sex she they regrets, we blame the person who got drunk for what happens later.

I get drunk, run over a pedestrian, I'm blamed.

I get drunk, wander into traffic and get run over, I'm blamed.

I get drunk, bet my mortgage payment on black.  The casino is not blamed for the marble landing on red.

It's bugging me.

10 comments:

  1. Someone sticking their dick in me while I'm passed out does not motherfucking goddam sonofabitching equal "sex that I regret".

    When I read shit like that, I see red. I want to get an ironworker to weld me up the letters "SJW" in wrought iron three feet long and then use them to beat the offender over the head until the urge goes away.

    Fuck that bullshit equivalence right in the ear.

    I will bet you a million dollars that if someone slipped something in your wife's drink and she woke up feeling violated and sore, you wouldn't be saying "well, we need to examine the evidence and innocent until proven guilty"

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    1. Dammit, I am no good at saying what I mean. I didn't mean "passed out drunk" or blacked out. Still talking drunk is what I meant.

      But I see now that saying "date rape" was a lot bigger in scope that what I am upset about.

      Hi, my name is McThag and I am an idiot fucktard. Send goons to give me a good drubbing, it's the only way I'll learn.

      Delete
    2. I've had dates pass out on me as we were undressing. It's a huge disappointment, but game off when the other player leaves the field! It's awkward, though, talking to room mates when they come home and find a strange man sitting on their couch and sobering up while their roomie sleeping in her own room.

      I've even had one case where she changed her mind mid-act. That's a crushing blow to the ego... But stop means stop, so I did.

      I am just as baffled at boys (won't call 'em men) who can't comprehend that consent must be granted and can be withdrawn.

      Delete
  2. Oh, and:

    "Why just women?"

    *coughbullshitcough*

    It's every bit as wrong both ways.

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    Replies
    1. I've not heard of a case where a woman was arrested because a guy sobered up and felt he'd been raped. That could be from sheltered ignorance though.

      Delete
  3. Tam;

    Perhaps McThag and you are using two different definitions of date rape. I can't imagine he thinks that it's okay to have sex with a person that's blacked out (or worse, that was drugged by him in the first place). My guess is that he's talking about the case of two very drunk people going at it, and one of them ends up in jail as a result. Or waking up next to someone and regretting it, and rationalizing it into rape. You know, the whole "putting someone in jail for 5-15 because you pulled a "coyote ugly." Dunno how often this happens, honestly, but...

    Maybe I'm putting words in his mouth. Who knows?

    But I don't think he was saying what you think he was saying. Just saying... :)

    This is a pretty charged subject, so it's tough to walk the line of discussing it without pissing people off.

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    1. You deciphered what I was getting at. This is damned hard to write about, and I am not very good at it to boot.

      Delete
  4. Sigh. I should just keep my cakehole shut on this topic until the urge goes away, and if I could erase those two comments, I would.

    I'm just approaching this from a different POV.

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    1. Of course you are. So are we all.

      I'm a relatively chaste man, in this day and age, having met my wife at 18 years old and having been with her ever since. I haven't been with anyone but her in going on 17 years now, so I really don't have a dog in this hunt, personally. But I associate with a lot of guys who are my age and are still single (I'm 34) so I have a decent 3rd party view of my friends being constantly concerned about ending up in jail one day, branded with a life changing sex-crime, because of regrets from a drunken tryst. They are very, very careful about this. And that's a good thing. But the prevailing narrative is that you can be very careful and still end up staring down both barrels of the legal system, regardless. I honestly don't know how realistic that is - again, it's way outside my experience, but it is the prevailing narrative among my friends.

      They are afraid of it because people talk about it, and debate it. Maybe sometimes not in the best of terms. Maybe sometimes from the perspective that we would disagree with.

      But it's a good talk to have. For our daughters and our son's sake. To keep them both somewhat "afraid" and therefore on guard against being harmed, or harming someone.

      Delete
    2. Without feedback I cannot know if I am saying what I mean.

      Delete

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