10 June 2016

Not Shame

I'm not actually all that unhappy.
Yet I was extremely dissatisfied.

I clipped two friends from the contact list and the feelings of dissatisfaction evaporated.

I think I figured out why.

I felt I constantly needed to justify anything I believed to them or feel ashamed of what I was doing or believed.
Those justifications needed to be thorough too.

Then, most of the time, it didn't matter; I was still wrong and should be ashamed.

It hit me like a fucking dinosaur killing meteor.

I'm not ashamed of who I am.

I stood the line between democracy and tyranny.

Heard shots fired in anger and returned them.

I've broke track.

I've made a 5,000m shot with a 120mm gun.

I've traveled the world.

I've marched in a gay-pride parade wearing a "Straight But Not Narrow" t-shirt.

I married a woman I am not worthy of.

I adopted her son, making him our son.  Giving him the only father he's ever known and will ever need.

I told my family where to go when they didn't think I was living up to their standards when I felt that I'd surpassed those limited expectations.

I've helped design things that let people drink clean water and eat clean food.  Thousands, if not tens of thousands of people.

I've kept a Chevy running for 26 years.

I kept an AMF Sportster running for two.

I rode that Sportster from Minneapolis to Sturgis, and back.  Twice.

I've ridden with an outlaw biker club.  And ridden with a sanctioned club.

I've ridden from Ames to Acapulco, in December.  On a Suzuki.

I've made a nine second pass as a professional drag racer in a home-built car.

I walked away from that car after crumpling it into a ball when I ran off the end of the strip.

I've driven up Pike's Peak.

I cook.

I clean.

I do dishes.

I'm a conservative with a libertarian bent.  Freedom, not anarchy.

I'm a pen and paper role player.

I'm a Brony.

People with my political beliefs don't have anything to be ashamed of because we've never actually been represented by any member of our government since I was born.

It's time for them to write the masters thesis justifying their beliefs before they can rejoin my tribe.


  1. "I'm a Brony."
    Damn it! you were doing fine... :)

    1. I _AM_ doing fine. Not past tense.

      In my mind you've got enjoy something that's aimed a children no matter how old you are.

      Cartoons have always been something I've loved and My Little Pony's current iteration is amazingly well done. The constant background call-backs to MY geek-culture is what keeps me coming back. The easter-eggs are aimed at the people who read comics and played role-paying games when they were seniors in High School in 1987 or so.

      Without those references, I'd have prolly walked. But they are there. Someone on the writing staff loves the geeks of my generation.

      If you weren't the same flavor of geek, it's probably not near as fun.

  2. As weird as my life has been I'm not going to woof on brony. Seems like a logical progression from any number of beginning states. I was in HS in 1966, so I've learned not to judge.

  3. First time here, sounds to me like you have much to be proud of. Well done sir.


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