Melancholy

Because I am what is known as a "difficult" friend, I've driven lots of friends away.

LOTS!

I've gotten better about being difficult over the years, but...

Let's just say I've stopped making new friends.

When you're difficult and you've driven friends away, you start to recognize the signs that they're starting to distance themselves in preparation to haul ass.

They're still being polite, but it's clear where it's heading.

They might not even realize that they're doing it, it's not conscious yet.

But they are.

Part of being less difficult is to man up and accept they want be gone and to stop forcing myself into their life.

I'll be drinking as part of the mourning process for a few days.

Posts might be incoherent.

PS: No blame should be assigned to the friend I alienated.  This is a ME problem.