04 April 2021

There Is No Joy In Depression

When something goes wrong and you can't go hang with your friends and you happen to be having a depressive moment, you wonder if they are affected by your absence.

They, of course, don't go out of their way to say, "we sure missed you last night."

This leads to a self actualizing condition where you begin to think, "I couldn't make it and I wasn't missed, so no reason to bother going next time."

Social media tends to reinforce the idea when your friends post what a great time they're having.

So you implode and just don't bother getting dressed.  You log out of chat engines.  You put your phone in airplane mode.  You don't matter to them, so shutting off all these means of communication won't affect them because they aren't even going to try to use them.  Notice how clever this part is?  They CAN'T get hold of you to ask if you're OK and you use this as proof that they didn't ask as a justification to withdraw further.

Add in the double whammy of lack of sleep thanks to the wonders of recurring nightmares and you just barely drag your ass out of bed, go to Easter lunch, don't talk to anyone and crawl back into bed.

Where you wonder if your presence was even noticed or if your lack of interaction noted with sadness or gratitude.

2 comments:

  1. I won't pretend to know the extent of it.

    I know I would miss your output if you weren't here.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'll get some sleep, take my anxiety medication and be all better in like a day.

      It's pretty mild as depression goes.

      Delete

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