2008 Corvette Under Eight Volts

When a C6 tries to start with a battery that drops below 8 volts it does strange things.

It warned that icing was possible in a 94˚ garage.

It rolled the driver's window down halfway.

It moved the steering wheel all the way collapsed to extended and back.

It cycled every light on the car, except the headlights.

With the problems I'd been having with the Body Control Module, I assumed it'd finally shit the whole bed.

I tried to check the volts at the batt, but the batteries in the multi-meter had also died!  Two AAA later, 12.5v at the batt.  Try to start again.  No voltage displayed on the gauge in the car, but 10.4v on the meter.
Marv arrives.

He checks at the batt and says to try to start it.

12.5v at the batt again.  Put the car in "run" without trying to start it.  Drops to 8.5v instantly.

Put it on the charger.

13v.

Roll up the window.

8.3v.

He says it's the battery.  He's an Electrical Engineer.  He's the knowing of lots of things.  Mensa!

Yank the batt after noting I had two years of warranty and that expired in September...

I state, on the ride to AutoZone, that I'd never seen anything under warranty fail at their tester.  Not an alternator, not a starter, not a battery.

Guy at AutoZone puts the batt on the tester and it says, "BAD BATT" in the little display.

Noting that the warranty was two-year and pro-rated for five I figured that I'd get a discount on the replacement...

WRONG!

Here's your replacement battery, Mr McThag, sorry this happened to you.

FUCK!  I should have bought a lottery ticket instead!

Three things went my way about this.

First, it died in the garage.
Second, it died under warranty.
Third, we got it all done before the rains began.