14 September 2021

The Giant Negative In The Room

If I sic the cops on my friend for a welfare check, they've got three ways to look at it.

1. My friend didn't realize how serious this was and get him to a hospital to get treated.  Once treated he can come home.  This is the only all positive.

2. They decide that my friend cannot understand how serious this is and commit him.  That's a Baker Act moment.  Since he's not mentally incompetent, he'll get treatment and be released after his psych eval no problems.

3. They decide that my friend cannot understand how serious this is and commit him.  That's a Baker Act moment.  Despite his mental clarity the physical neglect makes them think he cannot care for himself and they commit him to a assisted care facility.

Irregardless of how they decide to handle him, his step-daughter, an RN, could be cited for failure to report a serious medical condition.  It could even rise to the level of abuse of the elderly or infirm because of her advanced licenses.  She's not allowed to blow it off because he says he doesn't want to go to the hospital until she's got a "Against Medical Advice" release, and that requires a trip to a doctor to get.

And the mere act of siccing the cops on him for a welfare check will nuke the friendship forever.

How much difference is there between losing a friend to a horrible disease and losing them because you've offended them irreparably?

Still out a friend.  Him being alive to hate me is small solace.

Being unable to contact them makes this harder.  Can't swing by to see how they're doing because gated community and the step daughter not bothering to get the property manager to get them set up on the "we live here" list.

Can't call because... his phone is either dead or the daughter fucked up transferring service to a new carrier.

Email disappears into the void.

So I sit here hoping to see him pull into the driveway to show off his new bandages, reduced swelling and with a story about pretty nurses fending off his advances.

Or, at the very least, him pulling into the drive way and asking if The Lovely Harvey could look at it and have HER order him to the e-room.

I am beside myself.

Worst is the thought that he's fully aware of what he's got and is deliberately avoiding treatment.  Sepsis is a horrible way to commit suicide.


  1. You've got to do what you've got to do. If I was in the situation as your friend, I might be mad at first but I'd get over it. I don't envy the decision you've got to make, but putting someone's welfare over other things that are more transient is probably the right way to go.

    I hope your friend gets the help he needs.

  2. I flat-out disagree with most of the previous commenters on previous threads related to this issue.
    Angus, make sure not to be selfish, make sure it's all about your friend, and not about you.
    I feel total compassion for your concerns, and for your personal loss, (as my own best friend has been in the hospital, and I haven't been able to see him in months, and I don't agree with some of his medical decisions.)
    Nevertheless, your job is not only to protect him from rogue family, it's also to protect his right to make his own decisions, regardless of how they might affect you.
    So when you say something like "How much difference is there between losing a friend to a horrible disease and losing them because you've offended them irreparably?", a whole bunch of red flags go off.
    There is all the difference in the world between those two scenarios, Angus.
    Either you believe in personal freedom, or you don't.
    Losing a friend to a disease is an act of God, and his medical care is HIS choice, not yours. Regardless of the consequences. Regardless of whether his decision is ultimately right or wrong. It's called free will.
    In contrast, losing a friend because of stress in the relationship is a personal loss to be sure, but your friend's well being is MUCH more important than holding on to the relationship to fulfill your own needs.
    If you love him, let him be free, and even help him to be free. From his manipulative family, and from your own concerns as well. His choices are his own, and not anyone else's, regardless of so-called "competency" b.s.
    Every person ought to have the right to self-determination, and there are no limits to that fundamental human right. It even trumps the right to life, in the sense of dying on your feet instead of living on your knees.
    I don't mean to be harsh, but the reality is that you're obviously too involved to put his needs first, in an absolute sense, without consideration for your own needs. Is that the kind of friend you desire to be to him?
    Be well, Angus. You're a good man. Now go help your friend.
    signed, xrt

  3. If he's your friend, nuke the friendship so he doesn't pass of something horrible.


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