26 July 2020

Don't Be Worried

A lot of this blog is stream of consciousness and not a planned endeavor.

My "suicidal thought" was a capture of the moment item and not an ideation of a course of action.

If you've never had a "I wonder how things would be if I..." thought you are a vanishingly small minority of people.

What I was attempting to capture was having this fleeting thought at a particular moment of no longer drinking and getting more sober than drunk.

I wonder if a lot.

I don't act on the wonders.

I'm an important member of my family and don't think for a moment that they'd be happier without me in the picture.  If I did divorce and moving would be the far more rational plan than suicide.

I'm a rational dude.  Well...  Mostly.  You cannot engage in world creating for RPG's or novels if you're completely rational.  If you're too rational you are too grounded to make the imaginative leaps that lead to creation of the fantastic.

I'm here for a good long time.

Blogger is more likely to have its plug pulled than me.

PS: It's a LOT better to be talking about it than bottling it up.  I knew three people who've killed themselves and they didn't say a peep before they acted.  I know of a couple people whom I worried about, but they were talking about it.  As long as they keep talking, they're not acting.

I'm still talking!


  1. Yes, it's good that you can talk about it. My best friend shot himself back in the early nineties. I found his body after we had come back from christmas holiday. We had no effing idea what was going on. No indicators at all. I'm still pissed at him for all the people he hurt. Suicide never happens in a vacuum.

  2. What rjbrash said. Talking about it is a good thing.

    And you've opened a dialogue with many of us who have had similar instances. It's a good thing.

    Glad you've gotten much better.


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